What took me a long time to realize – and what I want you to know – is that while I felt that I needed permission from others to laugh, cry, or live my life, I really didn’t. That guilt was compounded by others criticizing me for doing so – or for doing so publicly.
In a few instances I felt guilty for allowing the public to see that I went on living or guilty that I was living. In the weeks and months after his death, I would talk about or share a picture of me going about my life, be it enjoying a soccer game or taking a needed vacation from life. I immediately felt embarrassed for the outburst how dare I laugh at such a time.
#I think my brain just committed full
The day after I learned about my son’s death someone recounted a story that was quite funny and I laughed out loud among a room full of people somberly mourning my son’s passing. I also give you permission to cry and shout if that’s what you’re feeling at that moment.įor quite some time I was conflicted by the mixed emotions I was experiencing. I give you permission to smile or laugh if you find something that encourages you to do so. It’s similar to having a child suffering from cancer even when it’s detected and treated, you can’t guarantee that they won’t eventually lose their battle with the disease. Understand that people who died by suicide were ill and that the illness eventually took them. You may have or you may not have – you won’t know. It’s OK to ask them or feel the frustration but don’t beat yourself up thinking you could have done something to prevent it. The point is there is no answer to those questions. On the other hand, there are those who have attempted suicide once, twice, or more times that have never attempted it again and live seemingly happy, normal lives (although often aided by medication and/or counselling). So for those of you who did not know your child was suffering, know that even if you did, you may not have been able to prevent the tragedy. Know that those who have been seeing a counsellor and taking various medications have also taken their lives. Know that people who have been diagnosed with depression or who have attempted suicide in the past have died by suicide.
There are probably many other questions you’re seeking answers to. If you didn’t know, you’ll want to know why she did it or why you didn’t recognize it. If you knew your child was suffering you’ll want to know why you couldn’t stop him from taking his life. If you have not asked this question yet, you will. Know that you’re on a journey unique to you and that while it may be rocky, each day does gets a little better. Yes, even joy.ĭon’t set yourself up for further anguish and frustration by expecting to do this on a timeline. Each day will bring new challenges, new surprises, and new moments of clarity and even joy. Understand that you’ve been put on a journey that has no end but it will continue to move forward.
#I think my brain just committed how to
If you’re looking for an agenda of what to expect, when, and how to do it, you’ll be disappointed. If you’re a planner, throw that attitude out the window. The first bit of insight I wish to share is that there is no timeline for this journey that you’re on. If I don’t have the chance to speak to you personally, here’s what I want you to know.Ī Letter to Parents Surviving a Child’s Suicide There Is No Timeline It’s for all you parents who are grieving the loss of a child to suicide or those who are attempting to support grieving family and friends. That is why I’m writing this particular post. Yet there is so much I want to say and share with them. In others, it’s either too soon for them or too painful for me. In some cases it’s just a matter of there being too many of them and too few of me. By being so open about his struggles (and the fact that I was so clueless about them), I have welcomed a slew of invited and uninvited conversations with other parents who are also grieving the loss of a child to suicide or struggling to support a child who has attempted suicide.įurther, I have discovered many more families who are suffering that I don’t know or have not been able to reach out to. This journey has been complicated by the creation of a mental health awareness initiative inspired by my son’s efforts while alive. In that time I’ve experienced the rollercoaster of emotions you would expect someone in my shoes to endure. I recently passed the one year anniversary of my 19 year old son’s death by suicide.
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